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"I am not a helper."
21 Jun 2018STORIESBY SweetEscape

“Isn’t it funny how when the holiday come around, husbands seem to think that cleaning the home or caring for the kids become a part of “helping the wife”? We, men, love to assume that the responsibility for taking care of the children and the home belongs solely to the women of the house. Not many realize that as husbands and wives, we’re actually partners. Not helpers. But partners.

by Michael for SweetEscape in Shanghai
by Michael for SweetEscape in Shanghai

My wife, Valen, and I have agreed to not enlist the help of a nanny in raising our Louanne. It’s not that we don’t trust nannies, and we know that there are many parents out there who have successfully raised their children with the help of a nanny, but we simply made the conscious choice in raising our child to the maximum of our capacity and to the best of our ability. People often ask us, “Is it nice to be without a nanny?” I say there’s always something nice about everything if you just opened your eyes to it. For one thing, I feel that we are closer to our child. On top of that, we don’t have to pay their monthly salary (which is not cheap, so we saved quite a lot there.) But there’s also a downside to it, I guess. For instance, we really have to try hard to make time for ourselves as a couple and not to make child-rearing get in the way of our marriage. We face many challenges to divide the responsibilities between us. It’s not always smooth, unfortunately, Valen and I often argue and give each other silent treatments, but we understand that this is a process that we both must go through. Perfection was never a goal we’re trying to achieve anyway, but we always strive to give our best - for our marriage, for our children, and for our family.

Fortunately, for me, holidays without domestic helpers is just like any other day. But for husbands and fathers out there who are taking some time off your routine to “help around the house”, I’d like to encourage you by reminding you that you are not a helper. You are a partner in your relationship. You are the father of your children. You are a part of your family in which you share equal responsibility. And you’ve got this!”

by Michael for SweetEscape in Shanghai
by Michael for SweetEscape in Shanghai
by Michael for SweetEscape in Shanghai
by Michael for SweetEscape in Shanghai

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